According to my family’s mentality, I deserve to die.

Are this society and this mentality hostile to the female body that I have, or is it an enemy to me?

Hello to everyone.

Let me start by introducing myself. I am a 20-year-old, alive, and kicking young girl with high energy. I experienced an unfortunate incident 1 week ago; My aunt saw me unveiled at the hairdresser. I was keeping this as a secret. My family didn’t know that I was not wearing a headscarf, so my life has been upside down for 1 week.

I don’t know how to tell, my father gave me 2 options; I would either stay in one of the Cemaat Houses* where my university is located and continue to the university under the supervision of the women there with a ‘headscarf’ or stay at home and wait for my future husband. If I had the economic power, I would escape directly from home. Still, according to my family’s mentality, I deserve to die. Suppose I continue to stay at the Cemaat House. In that case, I will stay with people dressing clothes that I do not want, people with a religious understanding that I do not accept. If I stay at home, I’m going to be living death.

Now I’m asking the real question. Are this society and this mentality hostile to the female body that I have, or is it an enemy to me? Now My family is only people with whom I have a shared bloodline in my eyes. My relatives are enemies, my friends are inadequate.

I had all the beautiful dreams I wanted to live, but now I desire to die. I’m waiting for the light in vast and bottomless darkness. I wish I had the opportunity to create my own light, I wish…

Cemaat Evleri: Dormitories, established by a religious cult, where people are forced for prayers and daily/weekly talks about religion. 

(Image: Kathrin Honesta)

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