I just want to show my talents, not to die!

Hello, now I’m going to bare to you a little bit. I’m 16 years old and have been wearing a headscarf for about 3 years. I don’t want to be veiled. Although I have repeatedly said this to my family, and I was threatened with death, not allowed to meet with my friends, psychologically abused and repressed. I’m praying forcibly, I’m going to Qur’an courses by force, and I am studying at Imam Hatip (a religious school) even though I do not want to. Although, I’m beautiful, I have to cover my beauty but I have no choice to say no. So for now I’m pretending to be the kind of person they want me to be. I’ll try to handle like this until I’m 18.

Until a few months ago, I was in a very severe depression therefore, I started to hallucinate. I’ve attempted suicide countless times and harm my body. In the end, I said, “I am already at the point of dying, then I’ve nothing to lose, let me push it as far as I can”. Don’t understand this as an inflated ego, I’m beautifully created; I’m gifted, I won first place in every competition I entered with my painting and musical skills. I’m ambitious and if someone educates me, I’m sure that I’ll be a successful person, but unfortunately, I’m unlucky enough to be born in such a family. It’s not my choice, but it’s not something that I can’t fix. I have to take more risks and work harder than other people, but I’ll put up with it and I won’t watch my talents be wasted.

When I become an 18-year-old, I think of fleeing abroad. I want to study there and make my dreams come true, but I don’t know how to do it. That’s why I need all kinds of financial or moral assistance; even the slightest idea is very important for me. I don’t want to walk alone. 

Translator: EsilS.

(Image: Ekua Holmes)