I don’t want people to say “You are a hijabi it is haram.” when I sing.

I urge everybody who is reading this story to write their opinions.

Hello, I am 16 and I am a high school junior. It is a religion-based school. One year ago, I made a decision; it was something that I had been thinking about since middle school. I was taking Quran lessons since I was in the 4th grade and I was studying Quran in school as an elective in school as well. I visited mosques, I prayed daily; it was all for God I was doing everything wittingly. When I was in the 6th grade my family didn’t want me to cover my hair, they said “You are too young to make such a decision”. I persisted again next year when i was at 7th grade they didn’t allow me again. I obeyed to my family’s wishes.  I was playing volleyball, football and badminton. In the 9th grade I don’t know what happened to me but I had the same feeling again. I didn’t want to do it for myself but for God; I wanted to fulfill my duty. My family said no again. I decided to do it at 10th grade’s summer holiday. I covered my hair in the end of May. I didn’t go outside first times. My parent’s didn’t want it, they didn’t think hijab suited me I didn’t think that either but I was feeling that I am doing a great thing while I was looking at myself in the mirror wearing my hijab I started to love myself as a hijabi. School started and everyone was shocked “How come you are a hijabi now? We didn’t expect it from you” My parent’s didn’t say anything to that comments but they said I could take it off whenever I please. I am afraid of giving up my veil, it was my biggest fear and it still is.

 It is currently 12:44am. My mind is full of thoughts. Before my mom went to bed I said to her “my biggest fear is taking my hijab off”. And she said I didn’t need to be afraid and that she supports me. I really don’t know I have been a hijabi for a year now but I am not happy anymore. I don’t feel happy while I am wearing my headscarve.  I love my hair, my body and my face but I don’t like to cover myself. I want to put on make-up, wear jeans, wear my hair in ponytails, dress up for weddings and sing. I don’t want people to say “You are a hijabi it is haram.” when I sing. I want to be my true self, but I fear of my friend’s reactions. I feel as if I will die while I am taking my hijab off, I am afraid.

(Image: Lola Gil)

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