I will leave my family and take off the hijab when I get into university.

Hello, I have been following this page for a long time and I am incredibly happy for them who achieve what they want when I read their stories. While I thought I was the only one experiencing this oppression, a friend of mine told me about this site last year. Honestly, I was surprised, I hope I can get what I want and need.

I am 18. The year I started high school; I became a hijabi because of my parents’ requests. Of course, at that time I did not grasp this situation very well; I did not know whether I wanted it or not, everything happened too fast. I realized that I don’t want it anymore, in the 2nd year of my journey with the hijab. I realized that what I was wearing did not suit me, that I did not like my face when I wore a shawl, and that I loved my hair very much. I told that to my mother, she got angry at first, “It is a sin, what will we do on the other side? Also, don’t let your father hear that!” After my insists, my father threatened me to wipe out my school enrolment then I gave up. Still, I see my friends’ hair and I love it when it blows in the wind, gets wet in the rain, and touches their skin.

I waited for another year and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I didn’t care what I was wearing, I wasn’t buying new clothes and I was always wearing black. One day I decided to take off my hijab and go to school, I thought maybe if that happens, they’ll have to give their permission. I left home very early in the morning, went to my friend, carefully straightened my hair and went to school. Everyone was surprised but liked it very much. It was the happiest day of my life. It was the first time I lived as I wanted. When I got home, my mother started crying when she saw me, she got very angry, she said “How can you do this, what will we tell other people, did you even think of us?” I was really upset, and I cried. That same evening, my father said, “If you want to be without the hijab, take your things and leave home, forget about going to school.” and I gave up again, with my shattered hopes. I went to school with the hijab and everyone looked at me very differently. Only my sister understood me, but she said that if I wanted to study, I had to do it. For 2-3 weeks, I always went to school very early so that no one could see me and sat in the classroom, I was very ashamed.

Now I’m in the senior year of high school, I’m preparing for the university entrance exam. I will leave my family and take off the hijab when I get into university. I look forward to the day I will do this. I can cry with happiness the day I go out after doing my hair and dressing as I want. My family forced me to wear the hijab for fear of “What will other people say?” they cared about other people rather than their own children. I’ve never been able to explain it well to them, or maybe they didn’t understand. If I had resisted the threats that day took off my hijab and left home, maybe we would have made peace by now. I was not brave enough. I hope, I can be hope for others just as those on this page give me hope. Remember; we are not alone; you are not alone.

(Image: Tom Hammick)

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