My father said, “If we take you to the doctor, we’ll learn that you’re not a virgin.”

To live, according to what or who? Our thoughts are the biggest thing that makes us who we are. If we had no thoughts, there wouldn’t be any difference between us and animals. Also, if we do things that other people force us to do, do you know what happens? We became puppets with automated brains.

Now let me tell you my story. My mother committed suicide just because I was not the girl she wanted. Then I decided to wear the hijab because my father forced me to, and I did. I have been wearing the hijab for 6 months, but I will take it off, I am determined. I am sure, I am not the person I see in the mirror; there is a big difference between my thoughts and my clothes. If a piece of cloth on my head makes me honourable and worthy, I don’t want it. Me and my soul are the only ones who know what I am living. So many insults, so many curses and humiliations. You know what my father said to me? He said, “If we take you to the doctor, we’ll learn that you’re not a virgin.” Yes, my own father said that. Now when I look back, I think about why should I put a cloth on my head for someone I don’t love? This is not for me, and it won’t be. I can’t breathe anymore. I will always be living somewhere in this world if you want to contact me.

Translator: EsilS.

(Image: Paula Rego)

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