Those around me saw women who did not wear the hijab as immoral.

My family told me “You can’t take your hijab off, all our relatives wear it!”. I was sent to a Religious Middle School & High School. I didn’t want to. Every summer I was sent to a Qur’an courses, also against my will. Those around me saw women who did not wear the hijab as immoral. They went as far as to believe rape and sexual harassment happened because the victim wore revealing clothes. Those self-professed “conservatives” … Their disgusting beliefs and homophobia led to my alienation from Islam and now I am a Deist.

Right, I had worn the hijab willingly at first, but I was only 11 or 12 not old enough to decide for myself. My family wanted me to do so and I assumed it was meant to be. I didn’t even know the Qur’an verse about the hijab. Like in so many other things, here too my actions were spurred by my family’s beliefs. I told them I wanted to take my hijab off a year ago. After a quarrel they told me I could do so. The next day I didn’t wear a hijab to school, so nervous because of my short hair and the Religious School I attended. Some girl snapped at me, saying “Don’t you feel ashamed for taking off your hijab?”. I told her there was nothing to be ashamed of. After two days of attending school with no hijab my mom took me aside and said “You have sinned enough. If you don’t want to wear it, you can do it at home. No need for you to go to school anymore.”. Her threat scared me, I felt so lonely and cried for two days. I was humiliated, my mom expected me to cover my hair before I could go back to school.

I am a bisexual and a deist. Not someone my family could accept, yet this is who I am! And one day I will make them realize the concept of freedom of thought, whether they want it or not. Because this is who I am, I don’t want to be forced in the form of another, a form I don’t want to be stuck into. I am tired, sickened, exhausted of all those years of psychological abuse. My mother is a Muslim who called me “wicked, immoral, liar” for taking off my hijab. According to her when you wear the hijab you become an angel and non-hijabis are perverted with corrupt thoughts.

Certainly, don’t give up girls; let them accept us as we are, not the other way around. I love you all and I have faith in you. I have your back; you are not alone!

(Image: Colleen Tighe)

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.