I was treated as if I was invisible.

Hello, I saw your page from a comment on YouTube. I’ve read many of your posts. In fact, there are many people whose story is similar to me. In my story, now I want you to help me and guide me.

I saw a headscarf on a girl in the classroom, when I was at 5th grade; it is childhood, I wanted to wear a headscarf too, not knowing what it was. I asked my mother to buy me a headscarf. Then she bought me a neon pink shawl. For some reason, it was not a problem for anyone to wear a headscarf, everything was perfectly normal. I didn’t even know how to wear a headscarf, and my mother had not given me any information. We had a male art teacher and one day he came, and covered my arm with the tip of my headscarf, again I didn’t understand anything. Those times passed on a whim. As I grew older, when I was alongside my cousin, who was my age, there were people who taught I was older or ignored me. Unavoidably, I felt bothered.

High school was utterly different. Even girls who were less beautiful than me were valued, but I was treated as if I’m invisible. I’m currently in tenth grade. I’m aware of what a beautiful person I am, but I cannot see myself as beautiful when I wear a headscarf, it no longer suits me. I’m not this person, I’m a lively person. For example, we go shopping with my sister –she doesn’t wear a headscarf- and I can’t find anything for myself. When I wear an outfit, I feel like my mother or sister looks at me strangely, and that makes me sad. Likewise, my great aunt has to call my cousin at my age “pretty girl” and call me “high school girl” and when we have a video call even if she knows I’m at home, she always asked me, “Why you didn’t wear your headscarf?” After all, I am very young for these, and it bothers me a lot to hear such things.

Today, after breakfast, I bravely explained my feelings to my father. At first, he was a little surprised, he hesitated; then he said that he won’t interfere with it, this is my life but what I wanted to do is a sin. Actually, I also know that it is a sin, I even thought of cutting my hair from the root just to get the urge to take off my headscarf, but I can’t. I always showed my mother veiled woman clothes that I liked, but she never cared, she said, “Do what you want, go away.”, but when I was talking to my father, she suddenly started acting by saying, “Let’s buy beautiful clothes for you.” She showed me some clothes from her phone, but I had already told these to my mother many times. In fact, before I spoke with my father, I said to my mother, “We either buy these clothes or I want to take off my headscarf until I am a fully veiled woman.” She said, “Go away.”

I’ve been crying ever since I started talking to my father, I know it’s a sin but I can’t do that. You came to my mind when I cried again today. There are many things in my story that I can’t tell. Please help me, I don’t know what to do. I want to be a voice for many of my friends who are in a situation like me.

Translator: EsilS.

(Image: Lisa Wright)

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