I should wear my headscarf for God, but I am doing it for my father. Isn’t it a sin?

Hi! I am 17, and I am wearing my headscarf because of my family’s insistence. After I finished the 8th grade, they started to tell me that I should wear a headscarf. Since there was too much pressure on me, I said that I would do it after my birthday. I told them so because I wanted to see my friends one last time without wearing a headscarf. My father took me shopping after my birthday. None of those clothes were reflecting my personality. Unfortunately, I had to buy some of them.

My family sent me to congregation dormitories for two years. They didn’t allow me to go to school. They said, “Girls don’t go to school.” I did whatever they said, but going to that dormitory was bothering me now. I told them that I don’t want to go. Although they wanted me to go, they respected my decision. I left the dormitory and told them I want to go to school. I convinced them. Everything was nice, but I was two years behind my peers. This made me very sad and very embarrassed. But I beat my shame. I told myself, “After I fall, I will get up stronger.” I realized I wasn’t myself a month or two ago. I was a personality that my father forced me to be. I realized that I did everything I was doing because of what I was wearing, and I didn’t want to do it anymore. “Why am I  not being myself?” I said to myself. I should wear my headscarf for God, but I am doing it for my father. Isn’t it a sin?

I thought a lot about these, and I’m sure of my decision, I will take off my headscarf. I don’t know what their reaction will be nor what they will do. But I proved three times that they could not force me to do something I don’t want to do, and I will prove it again if necessary. I hope I can do it. I had a thought in my mind that my father would restrict me, but since we are in quarantine, I am always home. I can’t get out of the house anyway. I hope everything will be as I wish and as in my heart. Everyone should be themselves; everyone should choose their own path. We can do it together. As soon as possible, I will let you know that I take off my headscarf. Love yourself.

(Image: Hanna Barczyk)

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