Hello, first of all, I must say that I grew up in a wonderful family, far from all the coercion and oppression. My family is like a carpet with many different colours and patterns. My mom and dad are people who have different political views yet are never afraid to discuss them. I always told my mother that when I began college, I would start covering my hair. My mom who is a modest supporter of “Ak Parti”, certainly would not accept this, she would not even want to talk about it again.

In my high school, on Fridays students could take the floor and talk about the issues they were uncomfortable with. This was a special permission that the principle gave us to build our confidence. One day, a friend came out and said, “People who wear headscarf should not read the independence anthem”. This was the last straw, I immediately asked for permission to respond to the student. I wasn’t even wearing headscarf, but I was very resentful for the things she has said. How could anyone say such a thing about an anthem of a poet who said, “If my sister’s headscarf offended the eye of the enemy / My spit would be wasted If I spit in his face”! I had already made my mind when I went home. I said to my mom, “I either wear headscarf or I don’t go to school.” With the support of my social democrat and eternal libertarian father, my mother had to accept my decision and bought me a grey plaid scarf from the wife of imam of the mosque in our neighbourhood.

I was the happiest. Now, it was their problem. Day after day we were getting stronger. We were going to overthrow the revolution. We were going to bury all the secularists to the dusty pages of history. Then what happened? My friend, many things have happened. I did nothing I said I would do if I wear headscarf. For 6 years I have barely performed my prayers, couldn’t avoid gossiping and wasting nor have I given up dancing at weddings. I was wearing headscarf undeservedly. Then I saw that the shallow mindedness of those who approach me because I am wearing headscarf and who stay away from me for the same reason is always the same.

I improved myself, my loyalty to my Lord and our Prophet increased day by day. But it was obvious that i’ve become someone else. I started supporting the secular order. I started saying things like what are we doing. The government was nothing like the individual, it was a whole different organization, it had its own pedestals and policies. However, we unconsciously dynamized them. Political Islam had damaged Islam the most. I hated myself because I pretended to live Islam without actually living Islam. In short, I couldn’t be worthy of headscarf. I couldn’t do my part.

To those who can wear the headscarf properly, my sisters I say halal, I will continue to have your back until the last drop of my blood. I wish in Turkey, people let both in headscarves and miniskirts love each other and walk side by side. No one should seem like someone they are not. With all my love …

Translator: Ö.K.

(Image: Isabella Conti)