I always suppressed by the state mechanism.

I willingly veiled the day it became fardh1 for me. I was 13 years old, and the year was 2004. With the effects of February 281, between wearing a headscarf and learning science, you became a mujahid2. After the days when I took off the headscarf in a very radical situation, always crying with a broken heart and getting hurt, the saviors removed the headscarf ban.

I always suppressed by the state mechanism.

That radical Islamism had turned my view of humanity into the spirit of the grandfather in the Sinekli Bakkal, except that I had never processed religion with money; this was where we were different than each other. I put myself in the process of re-reading and moderate feminist rights seeking with the female heroes of Fatma Aliye. I feel it in the waters of wave feminism right now. The point that devastated and freaked me out in this process was that the headscarf issue was indeed a matter of image and ideology in this conjuncture.

While I frayed with ambiguities for my youth, the struggles I experienced were their game.

I do not know what to be angry about in discriminating against these values. I don’t know if it’s just a headscarf I’m wearing or a matter of faith. I am tired of questioning these, and I am experiencing new ambiguities.

  1. Fardh is the name of the set of religious obligations in İslam, including covering hair for women.
  2. Spiritual Muslim warrior. A person who fights for İslam.   

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