I disgust from those relatives and that life now.

My story is a little bit complicated. 

After my father passed away, we had returned to our hometown. We grew up under the patronage of my mother’s family, who is very conservative. When we had returned, I was only 11 years old. Somebody was continually trying to cover my head with something while I was resisting. I remember that my uncle chased me with a bat and scalded my legs because of that.

When I was still in junior school, I was offended in different forms in different environments, but I was still refusing. I refused, yet I couldn’t go out unless it’s compulsory. I don’t remember going anywhere while wearing anything except for my high school uniform in those years. My mom was ashamed of me while we were walking in the street, and she was pushing me away. 

Because she raised her orphaned daughter with the help of “this and that” and she was blamed due to the behaviors of her daughter who doesn’t obey the rules of “this and that.” She surrendered the sayings like, “That is what a child without a father would be.”

Later, I got into university. I did not cover my head while studying until the university had finished. I had returned to my hometown again; I made the mistake here. I was 23 years old who is tired of shoving and fighting. Also, I was unemployed. I failed. One year after returning home, I covered; I suddenly felt free. People didn’t stare at me. No one fixes my clothes while I was speaking. Conversations about my hair were not opened up, and I was not embarrassed. Under the influence of these, I felt happy up to my 25th birthday. Now, I am 26. I have been struggling with my headscarf for one year. I am covered with the feeling that I have felt since my childhood. I don’t like it, in fact, I hate it. But I can’t change the situation because I don’t have financial independence. My sister had also covered since her childhood; she is, now, uncovered. My mother can’t handle another situation like this; our family has a lot of pressure. 

And I disgust from those relatives and that life now.

(Image: Anna & Elena Balbusso)

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