I veiled in the 6th grade; now I am in the 9th grade. All of my cousins were going to religious vocational school, and by saying, “the only one who does not go is you,” they were trying to humiliate me. I decided to go to a religious vocational school. Actually, my family did not force me; even my mother did not want me to go. I continued to the 5th grade in this school. One day I said that I would veil one day, and my mother said, “Of course you will.” This was an order, and I did not have a right to choose. I passed to the 6th grade. There were lots of veiled girls because it was a religious vocational school. I aspired and veiled. One year later, when I passed to the 7th grade, I regret it. Because I was a child, and I was not ready. I wanted to wear shorts and flip my hair, but I could not. Next year, to prepare for the high school exam, I went to public school. My father blamed my mother because I became immoral and took a dislike to religion because of the public school. He says, “You took this girl from the religious school, and look what happened to her now.” It made me sad, as you can understand, I was in bad condition in his eyes.
When I passed to the 8th grade, we moved, and I told my parents that I wanted to take off my hijab. They did not allow it, and I could not find the encouragement of repeating it. While I was continuing to 8th grade, my mother said, “What kind of veiled woman are you? If you continue to wear like this, do not be around me” for the tightness of my pants. She was right, I did not wear like a veiled woman, but I had told them that I wanted to take off my hijab. When I said it to my mother, she said, “Will you take it off and be a slut?” When we went home, the argument continued, and my father intervened. He said, “A woman in my family cannot take off her hijab.” I said that I wanted to flip my hair and go to the market with my pajamas, and they said, “For whom will you flip your hair?” they are against everything. I am sick of it; I feel like a captive. I am interested in music, I love singing, and while singing, I think abstracted to the world, but my family is against it. It makes me sad.
The only thing that they want to me is becoming a doctor. Then probably my father will make me marry someone who he chooses. He will not allow me to go to school if I tell him I want to take off my hijab. He will send me to work in my 18, then make me marry, and I won’t say anything like I don’t know. I am so sick of living a life that I don’t want to. After “A woman in my family cannot take off her hijab” words, I did not tell him anything about it. My mother is aware that I don’t want to wear a hijab. Therefore, she makes indecent ascriptions. I am ruined psychologically. Writing here makes me feel good. I cannot see the screen because of my tears, and I apologize for any misspelling.
(Image: Maya Green)