I am following you every day, reading the posts. There are so many parallel lives, ruined dreams. Yes, I am one of them.
I am 26 years old. Six years before, I veiled on my own will. Thinking they will force me to veil, I veiled at 20 to not get forced to do so later. I do not know how I could do that, and I am very regretful. If I knew then what I know now, I would never veil. It is tough for me to wear a hijab. Nowadays, I am trying to slur over. I am not brave enough; I am captive and want to be free one day. I want to become a free individual. I want to flip my hair with the wind; I want to feel it. If one day I have a daughter, I will give her freedom. This is not me; I know. “There are men who become seduced with hair” is so silly for me. If your heart is evil or you’re a wrong person, you can become seduced with everything in every condition. I am exhausted from trying to change this system.
My mother always says she won’t give her blessing. My family is so selfish that they say, “If you take off your hijab, it is asked to us.” Their concern is not a religion, but the anxiety of what will people say; they ruin their daughter’s life because of it. My mom and dad do not live according to religion; they just live their lives with hearsay information. My dad does everything secretly, but he does not want me to take off my hijab because of the possible gossips. On the other hand, while she should support me, my mom reacts worse than my dad—such a zealot.
Now I just wear a hijab. I do not perform the prayer, and I could not be forced to do so. They say, “Islam is not an oppressive religion.” I just laugh. It is literally oppressive and threatening; people are scared of hell. Many parents seem modern outside but ruin women’s life inside. If you ask, they say, “we did not pressure.” Yet, I, for one, want to tell that I was pressured. I hope that one day I get rid of this captivity. I flip my hair with the wind.
(Image: Marek Boguszak)