I am wearing a headscarf for my father and mother, not for Allah.

I took my middle school education at a religious school solely because of my parents’ decision that didn’t deem my opinion as worthy. We are three sisters, but I’m the only one who is being educated religiously. My elder sister and little sister do not have a headscarf. This is the case regardless of the fact that I’m a confident person; I defend my rights until the end and express my opinions easily.

Everything began when I started studying at that religious school. I’ve always had a fear of headscarf; I didn’t want to menstruate because I knew that my parents’ would force me to wear a headscarf when that happens. I had a boyfriend when I was in middle school, and when my elder sister learned this, she started to threaten me. She said that I am prostituting myself! She was acting like she never had a boyfriend. Later, she kept threatening me by saying, “You should wear a headscarf, and if you ignore me, I’ll tell my father.” In the beginning, I was afraid of what she was saying, but now I wish I was braver at that time because my father is not a violent person; on the contrary, he is very understanding.

When I started to put off this situation, I had a friend who wanted to wear a headscarf. I told her that we could try it for two days, but I said this with immense ignorance. I already had to wear a headscarf; I didn’t have any other choice. Indeed, I wanted to get the attention of my parents. It was something caused by the middle school adolescence. So I tried and wore a headscarf. My family told me that it was my decision, but how can a person make a decision at that age? I hated my elder sister for this.

I have been wearing a headscarf for four years now. But I want to wear what I want, blow my hair against the wind, and stop living with people who always tell me how to live. I want to wear my red lipstick and walk around freely. I told my father that I don’t want to wear a headscarf anymore, and he didn’t love this idea. Besides, my mother came in and started to cry. I could not handle it. As I said in the beginning, I am wearing a headscarf for my parents, not for Allah. I hope all of our dreams will become real one day.

Translator: EsilS.

(Image: Elly MacKay)

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