Hello! I had been able to write a letter here before, and I have been waiting to write the second letter since the first was published. It was meant to be today. I have read many what different people wrote and understood that our primary emotion is ‘fear.’
I was wearing a headscarf before, then I did what I wanted and took off my headscarf. I came to this point by going through very rough psychological processes (things like not being able to enter my house for one week, people who don’t look at my face for months and causing my anxiety levels to increase by applying psychological pressure.) I lived outside of the home without a headscarf for a year, and with a headscarf next to my family, just because of the occurrence of these events, the effects, and the consequences these would have on me. When I look back then, I see that my self-esteem has been reset, and I didn’t believe I can do anything independently. Sometimes I would dream about the future, and “This is a dream, can I imagine myself with my hair?” I would sigh. However, I was so scared that I was afraid to be what I wanted, even in my dreams. It took me one year to convince myself, and I waited to graduate because I knew I would be taken out of school. I shared this process here, and I had many friends who took courage from me and took off their veil. I showed them this website, and the letters gave them strength.
Your letters are very friendly, you express yourselves very well, but I want to give an example from a friend of mine. For 3-4 years, my friend lived with her family in religious identity, and outside, as she wanted, for fear of being taken out of the school. She believed that her school budget would be cut because she was studying in a private school and terrified. We eventually got together as a group of friends and spent months trying to encourage her. When she was encouraged, she took off her headscarf, and her first sentence was, “Have I pacified myself for years because of the fear of this? I feel very regretful.” I said the same thing; although I was not allowed to enter my house and was perceived by my guards as a prison murderer, I never thought I could stand it. However, I held out; I could bravely stand up to what I said ‘I’m scared’ about because I could challenge everything since I could do whatever I wanted, and no one could turn me back.
Being human is such that you run away thinking that you cannot stand the psychological bumps, and then you realize your strength. When we’re afraid, we cannot look objectively, and by seeing the shadow of the mouse, we think of it as a lion. I’m not saying that your family or environment doesn’t condemn you or try to intimidate you with physical/psychological blows. On the contrary, they will do this exactly, they’ll think that they tire you with such social lynching, but you’ll see how passive they remain as long as you fall to the ground and get up again and say, “This is me now!” because you know that those who see you strong cannot scare you. People try to come to you because they think they are stronger than you, but you can be yourself if you break this thought. I think being strong is not a feature; it is a choice.
The old me and all the people who wrote these writings here; our problem has always been self-confidence. There’ll always be self-confidence. I want you to be aware of yourself. Read your letters, see how beautiful sentences you use and your potential. In fact, most of you don’t realize how proud you should be of yourself. That’s why you are so afraid, indecisive and seek support from at least one member of your family behind you, asking them to say “We are behind you, my daughter” and withdraw yourself. I thought you needed this post so please be confident and determined. If I had the chance to show you the old self and the new self of mine, you would clearly see the difference between resistance and stability. Every time you do something for yourself, you will gain strength. I want your feet firmly on the ground. Best regards!
(Image: Daniel Pollera)