Should I have to wait for the marriage to be free?

Hello. I started to cover my hair in the 8th grade because of my parents’ psychological violence and the fear of burning in hell. When I was studying in an Islamic Imam Hatip High School, I kind of enjoyed the idea of hijab; although I had some questions from time to time, I didn’t really care. I’ve started to question even more after I got into university, but I didn’t really consider quitting hijab.

Now, it’s my second university, and I do not cover, which is only known by my mother and my close friends. However, my father is an Imam, and I fear letting him down because he dotes on me. Once I opened this issue to him, he said that I was his best kid he loved most, so he warned me not to disappoint him. That day, I changed my mind sadly, but I stopped covering anyway. I’ve cried a lot during this process; my psychology got worse, just like the other girls in the letters.

I’m 22 years of age now, and I am feeling myself a lot more. Regardless of my dad accepting the idea of me not in the hijab, we live close to my relatives. My father told my mother that maybe it would be better for me to throw off the hijab after getting married to someone, or else I’ll have to deal with a lot of pressure. Just two days ago, my uncle threatened me with a beating if I stop covering. I got scared a bit if things got worse like this. My father is an Imam, a man of Islam, I don’t want to drag his name through the mud, but at the same time, I have no intention to keep covering myself just to fulfill people’s expectations. Do you think I should wait to get married to be free? Doesn’t this mean escaping from male supremacy to another male’s supremacy? A person who is not able to have decisions on her own… How desperate I am!

(Image: Oscar Posada)

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