I want to unveil the day I start university.

Hello, I gathered all my courage and decided to write.

When I was in 5th grade, my father became an imam and my mother got in the hijab after this. I was put in the hijab in 6th grade when I haven’t had my period yet. I didn’t want to veil. Those years, we had to be unveiled at school and I was quite happy about this situation. Then that damned law came, and I started going to school in hijab. I was the only veiled girl at school, and it was very hard for me. Yes, nobody excluded me, but still, I drifted away from everyone. Hijab was a burden to me. I had to do what my family told me to. For this reason, I grew up without any self-confidence. My father beat me, shut me up.

I started high school. My father sent me to an Anatolian High School because my grades were good. As the years passed, I gradually became unable to suppress the desire inside me. Almost seven long years went by like this. I still don’t know how to tie a headscarf, I still look at the mirror hatefully every day when I put that headscarf on. One other thing that I resent is this: There isn’t anyone in the hijab in my family except my aunt and my mother. My family thinks that not wearing a hijab isn’t a sin for people except for me. They praised a girl’s hair when I was right next to them. Anyway, this isn’t that important. I opened up to my mother about this issue; she yelled at me and daunted me. The second time I opened it up, my father was there, and there wasn’t an insult I haven’t heard that day. He even brought up our martyrs. He said, “Did our soldiers become martyrs for you?”

I can’t stand it anymore. Now I study for university entrance exams. I want to unveil the day I start university, but unfortunately, I have to do this in secret. I’m thinking about telling my family later if I manage to find a scholarship and a job. Please wish me lots of good luck, I need to feel that you got my back.

  1.  The officiating priest of a mosque.

Translator: Leto

(Image: Will Barnet)

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