Hello everyone. Writing here was not in my mind, but after I saw the posts, I wanted to write, as well.
I became a hijabi in 8th grade with my own will. It was allowed to wear hijab in my school, for that reason, I wore my hijab with great enthusiasm. Besides, I have a religious family, all the women around me were hijabis. Although my mother said, “Do not cover your hair, it is too early.”, I did not listen her and covered my hair at an early age. There was not any problem until I went to university. But since I went to university and started to know different views, a lot has changed. I am still a believer, still Muslim; but covering my hair just because prevent a man from become seduced offends me. I want to believe it is not like that. If men can become seduced just seeing my hair, why I don’t get seduced just from looking at a men’s hair? I have been questioning it for a year. I am listening evolution lectures, talking with my agnostic friends, and always thinking. I am afraid that I will abandon the religion, for that reason, I do not want to question more. There are questions in my head, and because I am afraid, I leave them unanswered.
Now, the main point is I want to take off my hijab. This thought in my head for 2-3 months. I told my parents. They both were very upset. Especially my mother was terribly upset. My father said, “It is your decision but I don’t want you to take off your hijab.” I was not sure when I told them, but I think I am sure now, I don’t want to cover my hair anymore. But I am so afraid of what would people think. I have cared about people’s opinions more than my own thorough my life, and I am doing the same now. I thought all my relatives one by one; I wonder what they will say about me, how will they see me. I am really scared. How will I look at the face of my friends who know me this way? This is not that embarrassing, but still I am thinking about it all day and night. My grandfather is a hadji and I think he won’t talk to me anymore. I really don’t know what I am going to do. Sometimes I tell myself rather than getting those extreme reactions, staying a hijabi is better. I guess I am still not sure about taking my hijab off. I really don’t know what I should do, I feel so desperate.
(Image: Jeanie Tomanek)