I was going downstairs for the first time without the hijab and I was happier than ever.

Hello. Earlier, I sent another letter here before, and when I sent that letter, I thought that there is no way out; I was torturing myself with my thoughts. But I understood that it is not hard to achieve that if I believe in myself, be confident, and be strong. So, if I have to pay the price to become myself, it does worth it. I realized that no one in my life matters as much as me. I just started to realize the importance of the sentence of a friend “You will live this life 50, 60 or 70 or even more, but your mother and father will not be here after 20 years, also relatives who you scared of.” All my girl cousins also want to take the hijab off or are scared of wearing the hijab by force. Some of them are the children of the two oldest children of the family who are a little more fortunate and are not forced to wear hijab, although we are from the same family. Since my aunt and uncle were the first children of their family, I think they didn’t put the same pressure on their children since all the pressure was put on them in their own time. So, do other brothers and sisters of my uncle and aunt gossip about their children? Yes, they gossip but generally 15 minutes, after that, they can find another subject to gossip about. I know they will talk bad behind my back, and I look forward to seeing those days. Because after I earn my freedom, no one of their sentences will matter.  

Now, I will talk about how I get closer to that glory. Today, my phone charger’s cable got broken, and before my mother left home to go to the market, I asked her to buy a new one. But my mother forgot about my phone. We live on the 7th floor, which is the top floor of the building. My mother called me down to bring my phone, and I went down without the hijab in a way that I could not believe how it was. My mother was surprised but didn’t say anything about it because I was still inside the building. My mother asked me to wait for her until she comes to the building. I was going downstairs for the first time without the hijab; I was happier than ever. The pleasure of my hair hitting my neck for the first time as I walk down those stairs was too beautiful to describe in words. No one can prove that those happy minutes while waiting for my mother are only 5 minutes because I have felt that happiness for hours, even in the depth of my soul.

Maybe it wasn’t a big step, but it is a start. And I will finish the job I started. After Ramadan, I will talk to my dad and, and I will take the hijab off with or without his consent. I will do it even if he beat me or he insults me. After taking the hijab off, he will realize that I am still his daughter, and he must question that “If he has a daughter or not.” After winning this glory I will send another letter here, maybe I can not do it quickly because my opportunities will be restricted. But one day, I want to inspire someone so much when I write my success story here. I will be pleased if I cause even only one woman’s freedom. And if I get one step closer to my dream of becoming a musician, I will come back here, and maybe I can give courage to someone interested in music like me and who couldn’t follow their dream because of their family.

Translator: Ö.K.

(Image: Guillaume Ospital)

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