Wearing a headscarf has been something that I never want to do throughout my life.

Hello. I want to write this for a long time but don’t know how to begin. Today I feel like I can do it now.

I started to wear the headscarf with my family’s pressure when I finished the second grade of high school. Actually, they had always been talking about this before, but that was the end of the line, and this was because of a photo that I uploaded on WhatsApp, in which I wear an undershirt. They reacted like I was wearing a bikini. They yelled and swore. I had to do that eventually, but wearing a headscarf has been something that I never want to do throughout my life. While I was swimming with a hasema, the men were swimming in shorts. I’m not going to accept it.

When I finished the second year of university, I wasn’t wearing the headscarf anymore. I did it without telling someone. Firstly, I wore a hat when I was with my relatives, but of course, I didn’t wear it when I was alone. Then I completely took it off. When my father said, “Don’t you ever think about us? What’s going to other people say?” I said, “It is my sin. I don’t want to wear them, so I won’t.” He got mad, yelled, and threatened. Usually, I would stay quiet, but that day I defied. It was the first time I defied, but I did it anyway. My father hadn’t talked with me for a while. I was so depressed those times and thinking about suicide, but I knew that women experience more challenging lives, and I had to resist. I couldn’t give up. This is my life, and I’m the one who’s going to live it, not my family. I took a deep breath and said to myself: “You can do it.” And I did it. It was one year ago. I get over it, and my hair touched the wind. I’m thankful for everything I did and my beloved ones. Bless our hearts. Wishing hope for everyone…

(Image: Marinka Masséus)