I have studied at university as being non-hijab. In the last year of university, I turned to religiosity, and as a result, I found it appropriate to wear a hijab. I never forget the following words my father said when I decided to wear the hijab: “the children of others are becoming intelligent as they are educated, mine are becoming insane.” It was the first time that I was faced with pressure and exclusion. When I graduated, I was not favored because I wear a hijab for two workplace applications. Then I started to work at a state institution, where my co-workers always excluded me. We could not meet with them outside because, according to them, I could not adapt to them. I was alone.
I had a 2-year engagement process. It was my first requirement that the person I met had a prayer ultimately. But for this person, I was not the right one. He was continually talking about my style of wearing a hijab, telling me to cover my head entirely and to be veiled. He used to say to me with constant pressure and suggestion that I should perform my prayers. He got involved in everything in the past year. He said that I should not be dealing with men, I should get out of work, and the most sacred duty is motherhood. I was fulfilling a master’s degree. What was the need for him? What was my purpose? I had to tell him where I was going when I was going out and give him the report of whom I was talking to. This process continued with increasing severity. I was forbidden to use social media, I could not put photos anywhere, but it was free. This person was also talking to the girls who did the opposite of what they expected from me on Instagram, and I learned this too late. Finally, I left, but this person caused me two years.
I started all over again; I took off my hijab, my self-confidence came back, I found myself. It was a challenging process, but I got over it. I am very angry with myself for observing these things. A woman should always trust her mind and not be afraid. I saw that the origin of everything is fear. I am not scared of now, neither the fear of losing nor the fear of someone saying nor the fear that they will not love me. I have no fear anymore!
(Image: Hollis Sigler)