My mother beat me because I went out on the balcony with a tank top.

I don’t know how to start, first hello everyone! I will also tell my story. 

There was a short time left to start high school, and my family was constantly pressuring me to be a hijabi. They were constantly interfering with my clothes and I wasn’t even wearing inappropriate clothes. Anyway, I got accepted for high school. My family told me to wear a headscarf on the first day of school. I was just 14 years old, I didn’t want it, but I wasn’t too reluctant because I was going to do it sooner or later. My mother used to tell me, “If you go to school without a headscarf, your father will break your waist and take you out of the school.” I wore it with this fear. 

I’m 17 now, but I’m not happy at all. I want to take off my headscarf because I can’t stand it anymore. I’m insecure, I don’t want to look in the mirror. It’s very difficult for me to tie that scarf every day in the hot weather. I tell my family that I want to take off my headscarf, and they get angry. They tell me it’s a wrong thing. I think everyone who doesn’t wear a headscarf is sinful according to them. They think that if I take off my headscarf, I will dress inappropriately. Whereas, I just want to be happy. Also, I’m not acting like a modest veiled person right now. My family doesn’t know about it, but when they aren’t at home, I open the door without my headscarf when the doorbell rings. I don’t want to leave my room when guests come to our house because I know that if I go to see them I have to wear my headscarf. I tell my family that I want to take off my headscarf so much that they don’t hear me anymore. My sister says she won’t talk to me if I take off my headscarf. I’m unhappy, I’ve been thinking about writing on this page for a long time, but the reason I’m writing now is; ten minutes ago my mother beat me because I went out on the balcony with a tank top. This was the last straw for me. I can’t stand it anymore; I am writing these lines with the pain on my back that my mother hit. 

This year I’ll be in 12th grade. I’m thinking of taking off my headscarf if I can get into a university. What do you think I should do when that day comes? I would appreciate it if you share your ideas with me, thank you in advance!

(Image: Walter Schnackenberg)

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